Recently, I found myself filling in a BDSM checklist again. If you don’t know, a BDSM checklist is a tool that can be used when discussing limits and desires with a new partner, or to check in with an existing partner. They aren’t intended to be a scoresheet or a list of objectives.
I’ve used various checklists over the years, particularly the Duchy BDSM Checklist. However, as a queer switch, I find that a lot of them don’t fit well with my dynamics. Well, after years of thinking that I should make my own kinky checklist, I finally did it.
I present to you, the Ultimate Kinky Checklist:
How to use the Ultimate Kinky Checklist
On the left, there is a list of activities roughly grouped by category. In the middle, there are sections to report you experience and interest in those activities in both the dominant/top and submissive/bottom roles.
Have you tried it?
- A simple yes or no.
How much did you enjoy it?
- N/A if you haven’t tried it.
- A rating of 1–5 (1 = intense dislike, 2 = mild dislike, 3 = neutral, 4 = like, 5 = love).
Willingness to do/try again?
- “N/A” is for activities that don’t apply to you (e.g., due to anatomy).
- “0 – No, hard limit” is for activities that you do not wish to do in any circumstance.
- “1 – No, soft limit” is for activities that you do like or are reluctant to do, but that you might consent to in specific circumstances.
- “2 – Uninterested” is for activities that you are not interested in, but that you don’t necessarily have an aversion to.
- “3 – Maybe” is for activities that you are interested in under certain conditions.
- “4 – Yes” is for activities that you are interested in doing.
- “5 – Yes, minimal discussion” is for activities that you are comfortable doing with your partner without extensive discussion. For example, if you engage in a specific type of play regularly with a given partner, you may be happy to do it without further discussion.
On the right, I have also included a column for notes, so you can add any additional information you want to share with your partner.
I’ve called this the Ultimate Kinky Checklist, but I know it’s not perfect. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments, particularly about anything I’ve missed or how I could make it more inclusive, then I can make the Ultimate Ultimate Kinky Checklist.
Download
You can download a full editable copy of the checklist here:
Learn more
If you’re interested in learning more about the kinks mentioned in the checklist, then please check out my blog, as I will be making posts about them going forwards!
Love to you all,
Dittan